Son and Mother Poems

A child’s interpretation of his/her adoption is almost totally dependent on the manner in which it is conveyed during the early years. Parents are well advised to find examples of adoptions that convey respect and dignity to the adopted child. One such example is the story of Moses. Moses, who was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter, was chosen by God to do great things for the nation of Israel. Other examples can be more specific to persons you know such as a friend of the family, or respected person in the community, who was also adopted. The more the child knows about good, successful people who were adopted, the less he or she will see being adopted as a disadvantage. It should go without saying that adoptive parents should never approach the subject of adoption sadly or negatively. The adoption is something to celebrate and give thanks for. Don’t constantly remind the child of his uniqueness as an adopted child. Instead, stress how similar your family is to all other healthy-happy families. Similarities abound, especially with the increasing commonality of blended families. According to the US census (2000), there are over 4 million step-children in the US.

Action Plan
Just like parenting one’s own children, adopting and caring for an adopted child, of any age, is hard work.

Financial Matters: The cost of adoption differs depending on whether one is adopting domestically, from the public foster care system, or from overseas. Domestic adoptions and inter-country adoptions cost anywhere between $8,000-$40,000. Usually, the overall cost falls between $15,000-$25,000. The cost of adopting a child from foster care is minimal. However, necessary post-adoption services should also be considered when determining costs. Additional expenses might include medical procedures, counseling or psychological services, and services for children with special needs. To help with the high cost of adoption, there are a number of cost-saving programs, such as federal tax credits, which assist in both pre- and post-adoption expenses.

Truth Matters: Many adoptive parents want to know when the right time is to tell their child he or she is adopted. The answer is always the same right now. If possible, begin talking to the child about his/her adoption before he/she can say adoption. When parents take this approach, there will never be a conversation where they will need to break the news. Instead, the child will always know they were adopted. Many parents will make a scrap book of the adoption process, and keep it with the child’s baby book. Other parents, if adopting a child from oversees, will incorporate parts of the child’s culture such as foods, language, or clothing in his/her upbringing.

Affirmation matters: Sometimes adopted children feel out of place in a family unit. Especially if there are siblings, no matter how accepted into the family they are they realize their genes are not the same as the rest of the family. Physically they may be much different they don’t have moms fair skin, they don’t have dads eyes.

Some parents try to balance the scales by reframing the adoption in an extra-special way, such as with the parents who said to their adopted child: We prayed to God for a little boy, and he sent us you. You are a wonderful answer to our prayers! Other parents, when they have kids, have no clue what they’re going to get. With you, we were able to choose you specially. Also, some parents honor the child’s adopted status by celebrating two birthdays each year. The first is the child’s biological birth. The second is the day of the child’s adoption. It sounds trivial, but this practice really helps kids associate their adoption with something good early on.

Relationship Matters: Building a relationship with an adopted child can be a challenge.

Adoptive parents need to exercise a great deal of patience and grace with an adopted child, especially if the child is older than an infant. Don’t expect the child to be perfect. Even though the child may be an answer to prayer, this does not mean God has given you the perfect child. The child might have a series of problems from emotional trauma, to physical or psychological issues, that could need professional attention. Telephone Psychologist can help out you.

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