Son and Mother Poems

Motherhood Brings Meaning, But Maybe Not How You Thought It Would

It’s long been assumed that motherhood brings meaning to our lives. We guide, love, nurture and support our offspring and sometimes feel appreciated in return — all elements that can fuel our connectedness and satisfaction in the world. It’s easy to find meaningful moments as a mom, but it’s when things are tough that it seems we don’t know how to interpret what meaning is. What if the greatest reward and meaning of being a mother is the growth our children force us to do?

Being a parent is a very hard job no matter how you slice it, but to further the true blessing that children are is to work equally hard on being conscious and mindful of the growth our kids call forth in us. Perhaps your patience needs work or your critical side needs to be quieted or you need to learn compassion or you could stand to give up some perfectionism. Parenting in a kind and loving way can only come if we face these issues in ourselves. Maybe this is the true meaning behind being in relationship with these souls.

There is no greater hot button for me than feeling rendered irrelevant or ineffective. Not being able to calm and fussy baby or now, a pre-teen who is convinced they are unpopular and therefore unworthy of living are circumstances that can set me off into an irrational frustration that usually results in an ugly scene. I might yell or let something come out of my mouth that is less than constructive. Shame follows instantly but it has taken years to massage this issue into a submissive state where I can stay reasonably conscious and restrain from acting out of a lower consciousness. (i.e. dysfunctional behavior)

I know better. I teach people how to communicate more effectively, I teach spiritual concepts, I have practiced yoga and meditation. Why is this still hard? Because this is the real work. These children (I have a total of three) make me face my own demons, my own feelings of helplessness or unworthiness. It is only as I work through them that I can really be free and present for them. It is only through their presence refining me, the grain sand in the oyster, that a pearl will emerge. A pearl that brightens things for everyone once the work is done.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about mom being perfect before she can parent. It’s about the path that dishes out its bumps and makes us better because of them. Our children are part of those bumps. Their problems are our problems, their personalities hand picked to iron out the wrinkles in our being, their triumphs ours to hope we had something to do with.

Each of my children shines a spotlight on the places where my capacity for love can stand to grow. Of course, they are all talented and beautiful and I love them more than anything, but they also grow me. And growth is often painful or at least uncomfortable. They are here FOR us — to grow us — they don’t come to us to just be lovely adornments to our life who exist to make us happy.

My fussy baby/pre-teen is very sensitive and TLC from mom is often not effective. I am still working on the patience and bandwidth needed to find an entry to his psyche that allows comfort and connection. It comes often but it’s an unpredictable series of attempts through the maze of his wiring to open him back to breathing at ease with the flow of life. It’s work and it’s a testament to love that we hang in there together to get back to it.

My middle child can be petulant and needs to be right at all costs. ARGH! Despite being beautiful, caring and talented in many creative ways, her resistance is a common stumbling block to discipline, cooperation and negotiation. Our relationship causes me to be confronted with my own need to be right. It took me a couple of years to learn that a power struggle was not going to be the answer.

I had to give up the fight to be right and learn not to be hooked by the pull of that game. I found a way to stay above the fray like a mature adult should (if they didn’t have their own wounds) and guide her to her own answers that often show her how very mistaken her logic is! Of course, I don’t gloat but I have finally learned to unhook from the drama that she is so good at creating.

My youngest has introduced me to the world of having a child with special needs. He’s had a seizure disorder and we’ve entered the world of special education. After four years, we have suddenly gone into remission and are hoping to be pronounced cured soon. The growth being asked of me through this child has been about trusting my judgment before that of experts and advocating for my child medically and education-wise. He has grown me into a warrior. Not a barbaric warrior, but rather a force to reckoned with who will draw on whatever strength I may not have even known I had to do right by him. Despite doubt, worry and sleepless nights, the challenge has been to remain mentally strong enough to keep looking for solutions and believe in my son’s ability to heal. Trying to stay in love instead of in fear. This has been part of my personal journey and what I work with clients on and here, it has been tested more and more.

Meaningful connections as mothers? Certainly! Always a sunny, easy ride? Hardly ever! Our children are in reality ministers to our soul’s growth. They have a higher calling then whatever their careers turn out to be. We have to let our little ministers to their very big work. Even if we, their mothers, are the greatest work they came to transform.

©2009 Laura Berman Fortgang, author of The Little Book on Meaning

Author Bio
Laura Berman Fortgang, author of The Little Book on Meaning: Why We Crave It, How We Create It, is a nationally renowned speaker and life coach, helping individuals, small businesses, and corporations forge new directions and weather change. Recently ordained as an interfaith minister, she lives in Montclair, New Jersey.

Mother’s Day: 1st episode of the In The Motherhood webisode.

The Consequences of Motherhood in the Sonnet of G. Harwood in the Park

In the sonnet of Gwen Harwood “In the Park” the dialogue between the mother and her lover from the past makes the responder identify that time changed. The love has disappeared just as their conversation has diminished to empty, false truism and clichés. Harwood also applies light to communicate emotion; the mother and her former lover are standing in flickering light, showing the pairs splitting relationship. The sonnet reveals the changes that have happened within the persona’s world, showed through the description of motherhood and later, the effects of this on her-self. Mother says, that they have eaten her alive. This phrase quite obviously does not have literal meaning rather is hyperbole that shows the woman’s irritation and self pity after the embarrassing meeting with her former lover. The change in self is investigated through the great loss of freedom by the mother and the reality that her former lover can go on, Harwood describes the lover with his neat head and departing smile which is compared with the outdated clothing of the mother who is a slave of domestic drudgery.

In contrast to other poems belonging to Gwen Harwood “In the Park” observes the results of motherhood for one’s world and self, rather than the changes met on one’s way from childhood to adulthood, and the consequences of growing up, which the author explored in her poems “The Glass Jar” and “Father and Child”. “In the Park” explores the realization of change in self, and the results of choices made by the persona with their lives and world. In this sonnet the main character – the mother realizes that can not turn back the hands of time and make other choices and consequently change her life and her world, she has done what she has done and she will have to live further.

the common concerns of Motherhood

It is not uncommon for expectant mothers to a variety of concerns, and after all they are about an important unknown part of her life. Many of these fears and concerns are natural and stem from the unknown aspects of what will happen, while others simply logical, concerned that come from a mother, are not sure if they for what is qualified to intervene on their lives.

After their first child is a life-changing occurrence and influence not only the mother but the whole family, so it’s no surprise that many young mothers find the process confusing. In truth, there are few things in modern times in which the birth is affected by anxiety, but there are some areas of maternity, deserve our attention.

1: How and when must be fed

The fact remains that babies need lots of food – they are after all a very alarming rate grows in this phase of their lives and feed to provide the energy used in growth.

The problem comes from the mothers to be as insecure that they know when to feed the baby, but it is fair to say that they soon recognize the signs that indicate a hungry baby – in other words, the child will actively tell her when a feed is due.

routine is important in the life of a baby, and nowhere more than in the feeding cycle, and compliance with regular feed early in life can be a good way to resolve a baby into a good routine, the positive effect on the rest the family can also.

This attention to routine also helps with the next aspect of motherhood.

2: If the baby sleep

There is no definitive answer to this question, as all babies are different, just as all people are individuals. It follows that a baby, a little, but often will sleep in a similar pattern – for short periods and regularly – and this routine will change as the baby develops eating. In the early days it is wise to tailor the baby’s sleeping patterns in line with his meal times so that all can be dovetailed together. This is not to say that all babies are breastfed, can in this way., Because there are some who sleep for longer time than other

All in all, a routine is important, and it may also be wise, one of the many ebooks that babies sleep patterns and eating habits to read cover, and there are many of these – and other advice – on the market available in those days.

3: How babies think, without it falling

The chance of dropping a baby is very slim but this is one of the most common fears that young mothers tend to express . It is no surprise, because the safety of a child and his comfort and well-being is the supreme goal of a mother – and not just a human mother, as the same attitude in many mammals – and the fear of dropping the baby or can not be observed situation they should be treated properly by no means unusual.

There is little to worry about for a mother, but, as with a baby is really second nature in no time, while dropping one are virtually unknown!

In order to be fair there are many more fears and concerns that mothers tend to make comments to, and many of them arise because to be a mother – and a child – something they fully alien is, at this point in their lives.

Like other major undertakings – the purchase of a house and start a new job – with a baby will open many doors and invites more questions than answers for, but should be embraced as a natural and exciting progression – it will all become familiar with experience!